


Potterwatch: An Unauthorised Broadcast

by Thunder_of_Dragons



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Death Eater Draco Malfoy, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Multi, Potterwatch, Yoga, death eater yoga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-19 00:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22402354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunder_of_Dragons/pseuds/Thunder_of_Dragons
Summary: Potterwatch has found a perfect position to spy on the nefarious activities of the Death Eaters. They must be doing evil things, right?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Fred Weasley/George Weasley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86





	Potterwatch: An Unauthorised Broadcast

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Charlie & Harry, Sittin' In A Tree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20216248) by [Elle Gray (Elle_Gray)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle_Gray/pseuds/Elle%20Gray). 



> This idea came to me while I was reading Elle Gray's "Charlie & Harry, Sittin' In A Tree." Draco does yoga in 8th year, . wondered where in the world Draco learned yoga. Then I had the strangest vision of Voldemort making all of the Death Eaters do sunrise yoga at the Manor each morning.
> 
> It wouldn't leave me alone, so now this exists.
> 
> I'd like to give a huge thanks to L, L, M, M, M, and T for bearing with me through my first attempt at crack.

“This is Rapier with a special morning edition of Potterwatch for anyone tuning in. The sun hasn’t risen yet, and it looks to be a particularly gloomy morning. We’ve been able to find a breach in the Chief Death Eater’s defenses, and though we aren’t ready for a full-on attack quite yet, we are sharing information we gather from this vantage point."

“And this is Rampant. River is asleep, so this isn’t what you would call an authorised broadcast. We’ll keep it to ourselves, shall we? Ah, the Crows are leaving their hideout, and they don’t look to be wearing much protection. In fact, they’re not wearing much of anything at all. Hard to imagine how they’re staying warm in this chilly winter weather."

“They seem to be gathering in a large clearing, and they all appear rather disheveled. Is this a surprise raid, then?"

“There’s the Chief Death Eater himself, Rampant. Don’t think an Avada would work from this distance, but we’ll wait for Lightning to strike before we give that a shot. He seems to be sensibly dressed for the weather, though I can’t imagine why he’s letting these Crows possibly catch their deaths in the cold. Less work for us, I suppose, so I say keep it up.”

“His face is still a viable target, Rapier. He hasn’t a nose to hold up a scarf. I imagine his nostrils are just freezing now.”

“Right you are, Rampant, right you are. Should’ve thought of that one myself. My, do you see that young blondie over there shivering?”

“I do, Rapier, I do. I’d sure like to wrap a scarf around him. Any idea what they’re all waiting for?”

“Haven’t the foggiest, but, oh, yes, the Chief Death Eater is talking. We could be here for hours. He’d talk through a Lightning Storm if he thought someone would listen. It could be a long morning.”

“Ah, now they’re all raising their arms. Have we stumbled upon a sunrise ritual then? I’d expected to see more bowing from the Crows. Ah, there it is, I think. They’re all bent over touching their toes. Not what I’d call a respectful bow, but I admire their courage being so disrespectful to the Chief Death Eater.”

“I’m certainly not minding the view of a certain blondie’s arse in that pose. I could bounce a Knut off it if I had one. And the lines of those calves. Think we could convince that one to be reformed, Rampant?”

“I’d certainly like to try, Rapier. Ah, they’re all rising back up. Surprisingly, the Chief Death Eater isn’t torturing anyone. Now they’re all bending backwards. So flexible, that one. Is his shirt riding up?”

“I believe it is. And somebody could do the washing on his torso. I’d certainly like to do mine on it. Let’s take him on the run, Rampant. They’re all so synchronized. Clearly, the Chief Death Eater’s organized himself a cult. We’d be doing him a favor if we stole him, really.”

“I say, I think I have to agree with you. We—“

“Rampant! Rapier! This isn’t a scheduled broadcast! You could give our location away. End it. Now.”

“Yes, yes, River.”

"Whatever you say, River."

"Next password is Brian."

"Tune in soon to Potterwatch."

"And do yourself a favor and make somebody laugh today."


End file.
